From the mind of a complicated one...

    As it stands the first week of this insane job training is over.  I honestly doubt that I will stick with it, but as it stands its extra money coming in.  I don't care to work at a desk 100% of the work day again.  I hate being tied down.  With that said, job search will continue on.
    Personal life has been kinda blah this week.  Home life is ok.  I miss talking to my friends when I want, but the ol badgerman has been busy with his new beau and Ryan has been sick.  Limited talk time with the both of them.  Not sure what will come this week.  All I do know is the 5am mornings are killing me dead.  It's one thing to not be able to sleep and have to wake up at this time, its another thing to HAVE to get up.
    I guess I can only wait and see what the week will bring.  Hopefully happy thoughts!

I have no idea why, but for some reason the last few months of the year are never kind to me anymore. It's always tragedy and mayhem. Has been for the past few years. Ranging from various deaths to bad news in general. I for one will be glad when this year ends. My birthday weekend back in October was ruined when I found out that my Doberman had developed bone cancer in her leg with a poor prognosis. My child, my baby, my smart little girl who grew up with my daughter was gonna die on me. Granted, everything dies, it just sucks when its less natural and non expected after only 7 years.

For 2 months, I've kept her comfortable and last week I decided that it was time to have her put down. I cried for a week, it felt like some form of my heart was being ripped out. Honestly to feel like this for a dog, a member of my family, well it would almost be insane if I didnt love my pets so dearly. Thank goodness for wonderful friends who can relate and do their best to comfort me and help reassure me that my choices have been the right ones. I love my friends, I truly do and I love my girl and will miss her.

So the weekend was ok. There was ton's of fun with badgerman and our Ogame addiction. We really get a kick out of finding smushies and glassing their planets over. Plus he is a riot. I may have to kidnap him from UK and keep him close.
Although, I'm a wee bit tired and it may be time for a little (v) mode in Uni 17 for a few days. We'll see later.

There was also the start of what will not be a fun spring with everything blooming and sharing it's pollen with my sinus's conjoined with my sleep habits. Being up at 3am cleaning didn't sit too well with ladybirdness.

We talked to make sure I wasn't completely off of my rocker. Haha..It was amusing and scary as we continued to identify how much alike we are. With us being on opposite sides of the earth although officially 1 day apart, but in theory we are damn near exactly 10 years apart in age. Talk about ironic. I really don't think the world is ready for us to both be in the northern hemisphere at the same time, but oh well. If the world isn't ready, it better get ready. Cause she will be here soon preping for the big day and so the fun shall begin.

So all in all, it was a good weekend, aside from the massive headache and the dealing with idjits, but that part I'm getting use to.

Over the past 24 hours, I've had about 2 hours of sleep. I have to now say how stupid I was. I've tried nothing more than to secure friends by any means possible and I did that. But because of stupidity of the internet and idiots that take advantage of the that stupidity, I've lost one of my closest online friends who was so much more than that.

It's so hard to understand and grasp the seriousness of things when you can't see each other face to face. I swear I had no idea, that after everything was buried between Stewart and Stoxy, that he would end up hating me for even talking to that idiot again. Maybe I was just being stupid and naive. After all he did the first time and what he said. He asked for forgiveness and I agreed. I don't hold hate in my heart, I'm just not built that way. Of course I would never trust him again. He's just another idiot online that lost online trust. So my silliness and banter caused me to lose a great friend. He'll never trust me again. ...........it hurts so much to say that. Everytime I do, the tears just start rolling again. Stewart has been a great friend to me, he's listened to me and all of my issues and given sound advice and consoloation. THAT IS A GREAT FUCKING FRIEND, how can you not love someone like that?

OK, so I've been talking to this friend of mine in Spain.  I listen to him speak about the way life is there.  The province that he lives in, when described...why does it sound just like Tennessee or anywhere else in the states at this point??  WTF?  Jobs are not so easy to come by and apparently don't pay very much either hence the working of double jobs.  Everytime I see his face during our little web chats, my heart just breaks.  Why does life have to be so complicated, everywhere.  Why do we have to take jobs that we don't care to do, but are put in situations that will allow only this. Why can't we do what we love and be able to live comfortably without complications?  I wish there was something that I could do.  Just like here in the states, a vicious cycle is damn near impossible to break without sacrifice.