From the mind of a complicated one...

Today, like many other days, I was subjected to the atrocity of the many difficulties that come about when you try to end a relationship

( Read more... )

    As I stepped out onto the deck this morning, I gazed out into the sky.  Watching as the pitch black of night faded into nothing as sunrise loomed over the horizon.  I stood there for a few moments, just taking in the brisk cold air of morning.  Just moments before I took the inevitable steps of chaos that were becoming so repetitive each morning.  I smiled a little.  It just occurred to me that I have actually kept up with my LJ a lot more this year as I said I would.  It also occurred to me that its not only been for negative things, but positive and happy things as well.  It was at this moment that I realized something had changed.  I made some form of progress and it's three months into the year.  I was able to have a blissful moment, although I have chaos in my life that at any moment might make an appearance for the day to upset me.  But at the moment, that very moment, I was optimistic and I smirked.  :)

I even got pulled into a quick survey with my 2nd favorite flower of all time describing me..who would have thought...

What A Lily Says About You

You are playful, flirty, and friendly. You can easily light up a room... or someone's heart. Your unique personality attracts a lot of attention!

    As it stands the first week of this insane job training is over.  I honestly doubt that I will stick with it, but as it stands its extra money coming in.  I don't care to work at a desk 100% of the work day again.  I hate being tied down.  With that said, job search will continue on.
    Personal life has been kinda blah this week.  Home life is ok.  I miss talking to my friends when I want, but the ol badgerman has been busy with his new beau and Ryan has been sick.  Limited talk time with the both of them.  Not sure what will come this week.  All I do know is the 5am mornings are killing me dead.  It's one thing to not be able to sleep and have to wake up at this time, its another thing to HAVE to get up.
    I guess I can only wait and see what the week will bring.  Hopefully happy thoughts!

So please dont be alarmed, but i have gathered enough tokens from surveys to warrant finally changing my lj user name to something that more suits me, and nothing suits me more than my up and coming photography business name.  Learn it, live it, love it.  It's my new game plan.

Cheers!

For the past few days everything has been kinda up and down for me, but then again..thats normal. ( go here )

Why is it that the things that you want, always seem to be out of reach in some shape, form, or fashion? Even when its right there in front of you, something prevents you from reaching it. Whether it be, a choice you didn't make or a step you didn't take. It leaves you with a feeling in your gut so crappy, and all you want to do is get that chance to make it right. I guess fate isn't always on your side...at least what you think is your side.
In my case, I met up with a friend this week, who has been nothing but great to me. Listened to all my shit with EVERYTHING thats has been going on with me and given some damn good advice on just about everything. With that said, its no secret that we both shared some kind of major attraction towards each other. With a few days of hanging out and few drinks in between, neither of us could get our feet out of our asses to act on it. Both worried apparently that the other wasnt interested or worse trying to behave due to current life situations outside of this reality, only to find out later, that we both were on the same page...just a different bloody book. We both realized this shortly after it was too late to do anything about it. So..as the week goes..we kind of kick ourselves about with the regrets..ok..so we're kicking ourselves a lot..but still. Maybe one day, we can fix it. Either way, I wouldnt change that meeting for the world..well maybe just a bit, but i wouldnt take it back if I could.

I have no idea why, but for some reason the last few months of the year are never kind to me anymore. It's always tragedy and mayhem. Has been for the past few years. Ranging from various deaths to bad news in general. I for one will be glad when this year ends. My birthday weekend back in October was ruined when I found out that my Doberman had developed bone cancer in her leg with a poor prognosis. My child, my baby, my smart little girl who grew up with my daughter was gonna die on me. Granted, everything dies, it just sucks when its less natural and non expected after only 7 years.

For 2 months, I've kept her comfortable and last week I decided that it was time to have her put down. I cried for a week, it felt like some form of my heart was being ripped out. Honestly to feel like this for a dog, a member of my family, well it would almost be insane if I didnt love my pets so dearly. Thank goodness for wonderful friends who can relate and do their best to comfort me and help reassure me that my choices have been the right ones. I love my friends, I truly do and I love my girl and will miss her.

Something occurred to me over the past few days..I've become engrossed with a whole other life of mine. It's no secret that I'm a busy girl. Always have something going on. Whether it's traveling, photography, conventions, concerts, work or my online life. It's also no secret that it's possible that I have more friends that I've met and only stay in contact with via messenger, livejournal, or myspace.
and I play OGame or what we've come to know as OCrack. It's addictive...and of course I have to plug my alliance...JM..Universe 17..www.jawamilitia.com... look us up.

Your Dosha is Pitta

You have a quick mind, a gift for persuasion, and a sharp sense of humor. You have both the drive and people skills to be a very successful leader. Argumentative and a bit stubborn, you have been known to be a little too set in your ways. But while you may be biased toward your own point of view, you are always honest, fair, and ethical. With friends: You are outgoing and open to anyone who might want to talk to you In love: You are picky but passionate To achieve more balance: Be less judgmental of those around you, and take cool walks in the moonlight.

Your Life is 55% Off Track

Right now, you're taking things one day at a time. Some things are going well, but you can't help but wonder if you're getting the most out of life. It's time for you to slow down and reflect a little. You can change your life - but it's up to you!

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How evil are you?</center>


Just don't go around telling everyone. Let them find out on their own...

Today was exactly as expected. Today I got the news that I've waited for almost six months to hear. They have finally decided to lay people off in my area at work and I'm one of them. Don't fret. This is a joyous occasion.

As many of you know, work has been killing me. It has spun me to the point of an almost breakdown mentally and physically. I've wanted to leave, but without school or another job in the wings, it's better to be laid off than to quit. Severance is a sweet word. On May 9th, the suffering will cease and desist. I will be free from the drama of the evil company.

Maybe my hair will grow back correctly. Maybe my sleep habits will become my version of normal again. Either way it goes, I will be free and I will be fine. Maybe now I can focus on my photography and become great at it.

So the weekend was ok. There was ton's of fun with badgerman and our Ogame addiction. We really get a kick out of finding smushies and glassing their planets over. Plus he is a riot. I may have to kidnap him from UK and keep him close.
Although, I'm a wee bit tired and it may be time for a little (v) mode in Uni 17 for a few days. We'll see later.

There was also the start of what will not be a fun spring with everything blooming and sharing it's pollen with my sinus's conjoined with my sleep habits. Being up at 3am cleaning didn't sit too well with ladybirdness.

We talked to make sure I wasn't completely off of my rocker. Haha..It was amusing and scary as we continued to identify how much alike we are. With us being on opposite sides of the earth although officially 1 day apart, but in theory we are damn near exactly 10 years apart in age. Talk about ironic. I really don't think the world is ready for us to both be in the northern hemisphere at the same time, but oh well. If the world isn't ready, it better get ready. Cause she will be here soon preping for the big day and so the fun shall begin.

So all in all, it was a good weekend, aside from the massive headache and the dealing with idjits, but that part I'm getting use to.

So it was brought to my attention that I have commented on multiple journals this year, but haven't posted a single entry of my own. Hmm..I wonder why? Let's see, maybe it's because the first 3 months of this year have been INSANE?

Work wore me down to the edge of a breakdown mentally and physically. I've gotten over it, but still have some weird shit going on as a result including no more than 3 hours of sleep at a time on a good day.

One of my favorite bands in the world disappointed me to the point of no return after I waited for 3 months to see them, only to realize that they no longer existed as they had been abducted by aliens. January 19th 2007 is now known as Black Friday as a result of this. This little even cut me pretty deep. I mean the wounds are just starting to scab over.

Mitch was in the almost life changing car accident that could have taken him away from the earth, but left him only with a broken arm, surgery and unable to work for two months. At the end of this, my mother and grandmother both got sick with some cruddy shit that was not trying to go away. Me being in 3 places at 1 time? Nope doesn't work. Someone really needs to provide me with a clone machine.

So..the first 3 months..yeah..been kinda insane. If it wasn't for great friends (real life & online), Ocrack, a mini vacation to the mountains & my camera equipment. I would be a lost soul.

So as it stands..I'm back..I hope *L*

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